Apology Attempt #2:
Dear Dr. Marco and Redline,
I sincerely wish to ask, nay, beg for your forgiveness regarding my recent lapse regarding the insulting comments concerning the lameness of the two of you. Please allow me to explain what I believe the series of events were that prompted such an outrageous explosion of emotions. The truth is, I was away from the forums for the night, and I missed you two so much while I was out. I could not stop thinking about Dr. Marco and Redline. My mind was completely consumed all night long. When I returned and saw that you two had continued posting as usual and obviously hadn't missed me to the same magnitude, I became resentful, and the resentment turned to anger.
Unfortunately, instead of rightfully directing my anger inwards (as I was the one who chose to leave the house for the evening, after all), I mistakenly lashed out against you two, the two men whom without, my life would be sorely lacking. After much self reflection, I've come to the conclusion that, because of you two, I will never be completely happy in a relationship. Why, you may ask? Because after befriending two men of such incomparable and impeccable status, anyone else simply does not compare. This not only goes for your extreme levels of intelligence, wit and humor, but also your amazing physiques and mesmerizing good looks. The truth is, every time I see or speak to a member of the opposite sex, the comparisons to Dr. Marco and Redline automatically take shape in my head. And, frankly, no one even comes close to comparing.
I would like to thank you two for bringing so much joy to my life. I hope that I have been able to amply repay the favor by bringing so much algae to your tanks. Although this action seems, at first glance, like a drop in the bucket compared to all that you two have done for me, I know that it will be the gift that will keep on giving over time. Most sincerely, and with much love, respect and adoration, Biffy.